Founding the Society has proven, like most experiences, to be full of both chaos and happiness. My “happy awareness” increased beyond my personal pursuit of happiness to a broader study of the philosophy, science, and application of happiness. I’ve been fortunate to communicate with thousand of happiness seekers and happy people. Although the Society has evolved during the past decade, our core mission, encouraging people to talk more about their happy moments and discouraging parade-raining (unnecessary negative communication) has stayed the same. This original premise came about from my own hunt for happiness.
One day, years before, my answering machine light was blinking with a “red alert” warning. The mere thought of checking my messages left me on the verge of a panic attack. I knew it wasn’t Publisher’s Clearinghouse calling to give me that large cash prize. Instead, it would be a not-so-happy or more likely, my happiness depends on me making you miserable, bill collector. Within six short months of pursuing a dream, my life was waterlogged by the storms of continuous chaos with a dreary forecast.
I had moved 1,400 miles away from the known for what I believed would be a terrific career opportunity. Within days of my arrival, my new boss decided that I was the perfect target for her misery. According to her, I couldn’t do anything right. I didn’t know anyone in my new life except my co-workers and a few people I had met through work. And, as if these challenges weren’t chaotic enough, I had to deal with the fact that my perceived large raise didn’t cover my new, and even larger living expenses. So I was in bill collector purgatory.
As a student of positive thinking, I kept trying to find the silver lining in this black cloud that was hanging over my life. But, regardless of how I perceived being lonely, broke and newly incompetent, I kept arriving at the same conclusion—it sucked.
My failed efforts to live my idea of the “white-picket-fence” life had enrolled me as a student in the all too real Misery University. It’s not that I hadn’t been unhappy before, but this time it was for a prolonged period, with no light at the end of the tunnel even glimmering dimly. And apparently, most, if not all of my chaos, resulted from my choices. This chaotic experience was unlike other times, when I believed having to follow someone else’s rules, or just random acts of God, were to blame for my miserable moments.
I was so consumed by my chaotic moments that I’m not sure I’d have recognized a happy moment if it had bitten me. And it was easy to be miserable. Countless people told me stories about the loneliness that came with moving away from home. Everyone had a “my boss is worse than your boss” story. And have you ever met someone who had enough money? Even the escapes of TV and magazines only reinforced that I was too poor for the things I believed that I needed for a charmed life.
But at some point, I decided to stop all of these “this isn’t the way I planned it” moments that consumed me, and simply live happily-ever-after. I studied via books, tapes and workshops multiple “fix-your-life” programs. I explored a myriad of opportunities: meditate more; love more; change your life by changing your thoughts; laugh more; discover and heal your inner child; set boundaries; blame someone else; blame yourself; say more affirmations than anyone can possible remember; cry more; communicate more; communicate less; burn things that remind you of pain under the light of the full moon, then bury the ashes; pray more; visualize your dream; it’s just karma; exercise more; feng shui your life; tell total strangers about your pain; and on and on. All of these programs promised continuous peace, prosperity, and love.
In fairness, each one, in its own way, delivered some of those promised moments. But none of them sustained them. And it seemed these “fix-your-life gurus” weren’t always forthcoming about the reality that unwanted and unpleasant experiences would still impact me, the people I cared about, strangers, and the world.
It usually felt like the more I tried to stop my chaos, the more I seemed to create. All I could ponder was: “I’m doing and thinking all of the right things, yet chaos still surrounds me. It doesn’t make sense.”
During that time when that black cloud of chaos drenched me, other things also happened. One of those bill collectors told me about Consumer Credit Counseling; I met friends I still have today; and I quite working for my Misery University Recruiter boss. In hindsight, when I think about these years that were defined by continuous chaos, they ironically, also including many happy moments.
Since then, my life has changed many times – sometimes for the happier; and other times for the unhappier.
One moment, I woke up with an epiphany.
Everyone was in the same quandary that I was. We don’t lack happy experiences. Instead, our challenge is recognizing our happy experiences serendipitously placed amongst the chaos of our everyday life. It seems paradoxical to be happy and unhappy during the same sixty seconds. But this is the reality of life: Our multitude of experiences create both happy and unhappy moments at what feels like the exact same time.
Even when we’re able to minimize our chaos and theoretically increase our happiness, we’re still going to experience chaotic moments and unpleasant things. Since our culture glamorizes chaos, it makes it all too easy to forget our happiness. And when this happens it’s easy to inadvertently enroll in Misery University.
This I finally get it moment created the foundation for the Secret Society of Happy People. How can celebrating happiness be as trendy as commiserating chaos?
