Note: Some articles are evergreen, and this is one — with a few tweaks. If you’re a mostly happy person, the holidays probably make you a little happier. But for some, the holidays are a catalyst for the blues. If you’re mostly happy, please be sensitive – you can’t make someone feel the holiday happy, but you can support them while they navigate the season.
When Holiday Blues Take Away Your Holiday Jolly
The pressure to be holiday jolly seems to strike as soon as Black Friday shopping begins. And it’s not your normal level of happy; the world expects happy to go up a notch or two – and that your extra-happy mood will last through the holidays.
The season of Christmas and other winter holidays have a magical quality that creates smiles. Maybe it’s nostalgic memories of the past, or the hope of creating future memories, or just the ambiance of the season. Whatever the reason, the holidays bring a smile to the face of many just because.
But many people are challenged by the holiday blues. Even if you don’t personally feel the holiday blues, you will most likely encounter people who do.
The Holiday Blues
What causes the holiday blues? It’s as varied as the people dealing with them. But there are some common catalysts for the holiday blues, and here is what you can do about them:
The Perfect Holiday Expectation
Unless you have a large staff (think Martha Stewart), no one lives a perfect holiday season. Holidays are full of chaos due to ever-changing circumstances. Set realistic expectations. Every room doesn’t have to be decorated, every meal doesn’t have to be cooked from scratch, and every present doesn’t have to be elaborately wrapped. You don’t need to get everyone you know an elaborate gift or even a token gift (in fact, you need to keep a budget so you don’t get post-holiday blues).
The Perfect Family Expectation
The other perfect holiday expectations happen when people don’t have the ideal friends and family situation. The truth is most people don’t have the “perfect” family, but some have more challenges than others.
Many people spend the holidays alone. Many people spend the holidays with families that are anything but entertainingly dysfunctional, and instead are depressing and stressful. If any of these is your challenge, try to do something on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day that at least doesn’t add to the blues.
Have a non-holiday movie marathon, read a new book by your favorite author, visit a local senior care facility (someone there was left alone for the holidays), or make plans with a friend or long distance relative in the same boat. It’s vital that you make a plan to do something you enjoy so you’re not just pondering your less-than-ideal situation.
The Holiday To-Do List
We try to squeeze in an abundance of December activities, including visits with friends and family. However, you can’t see everyone you know. Try to reduce some of the to-dos by being realistic about your time line.
If someone you’re trying to meet up with lives close by, schedule lunch or dinner or a walk in January. Consider a holiday theater performance or movie between Christmas and the New Year. Host a casual open house from say 2 – 4, so guests don’t camp out for the night. Invite local friends to stop by for wine and cheese.
Try to plan with your head, not just your heart. You still need sleep.
Life Changes
Sometimes the blues are brought on by life changes that happened during the year. Maybe someone close passed away, maybe you had a significant relationship change, maybe your financial situation changed for the unhappier, or maybe you experienced a change in health. These changes can cause you to spend time pondering the past with a “why did the bad thing happen?” that leaves no room for happy memories.
[Tweet “Feel the sad and try to do something new that will help you create happy holiday memories.”]
You need to let yourself feel the sad, but try to do something new that will help you create happy memories. It might be a great time to start new traditions, such as going on a holiday vacation, visiting a friend or relative, volunteering, visiting a new church or kicking off your New Year’s resolution by getting healthier in December.
[Tweet “Holiday blues? Don’t pretend to be happy! FEEL your feelings BUT notice small happy moments too.”]
If you’re feeling blue, whatever you do, don’t pretend to be holiday happy. Feel what you’re feeling, but make an effort to recognize and celebrate when your happy moments happen, holiday-related or not. Remember that you can take steps to either reduce the holiday blues culprits, or do happy things to create new holiday memories. This might be trial and error – so if one thing doesn’t work, try something different.
No Holiday Jolly Expectation
Despite the perception, there isn’t a holiday jolly requirement. You can be “bah-humbug!” if that makes you happy – just try not to rain on other people’s parades. However, since happiness is contagious, spending time with family, friends or even strangers who naturally have that holly jolly might boost your spirits.
Last, this bears saying: If you never get momentary reprieves from your holiday blues, seek professional help because people do care. You aren’t alone.
Now it’s your turn. Please take a moment to share your thoughts and best holiday blues coping tips in the comments below. Be as specific as possible. Hundreds of mostly happy people come here for insight and inspiration, and your tips may help someone else have a happier holiday even when they are challenged by the holiday blues.
Written by Pamela Gail
Pamela Gail Johnson founded the Society of Happy People in 1998.
The Society is grounded on Pamela’s four key Practical Happiness Principles:
Pamela identified 31 Types of Happiness that are on the SOHP App Happiness Counter to make it easier to recognize moments of happiness.
Pamela also plans and organizes the Society of Happy People's annual happiness celebrations:
She's also a speaker, trainer, and author.
A few of her personal smile starters include her monthly book club, yoga, traveling and meeting new happy people.
Thank you. I do suffer from holiday blues. This has given me some ideas.
I am always inspired by your ideas and tips on how to celebrate this gift of life. But this one time that I was not exactly sure about the advice to avoid pretending that we are happy if we aren’t feeling the good vibes easily. I think that there may be times when we can get over the blues by acting like or pretending that we are happy, even though we aren’t feeling the same amount of natural happiness that we have on other occasions. People may think it is being fake, but I would rather pretend that I am happy, than allow myself to dwell on sad and resentful thoughts.
I walk through the neighborhood and look at the Christmas lights and decorations. Even when I’m sad the lights makes me smile.
Yes, I agree with Susan. Driving or walking around looking at holiday lights makes me happy too. And I put lots of lights all around the outside of my house that shine in the windows. The Great Holiday Light Fight Show is great to watch on tv. This year, my husband and I are going to a local resort on Xmas Day and participating in classes, Holly Trolley Lights Tour and a lovely dinner that I do not have to cook! It’s a new experience and I welcome it. Volunteering to be with others is a great idea because there are so many who are lonely and would love to be with you. Merry Christmas!
This is the first year that I did not put up a tree…just not feeling it I guess. I decorated inside and outside, but not as much in years past. So many life changes…loss of daughter, husband and recently my Mother as well as some friends has hit me hard this year. So I will cherish and find joy in all my special memories of past holidays and know that the holiday blues will soon pass.
The holidays blues hit me hard every year. I dedicate certain times during which I allow myself to be sad and to feel that sadness completely and to express it any way I choose. For some reason, this cheers me up.
I never understood it when my late mother used to tell me early in the holiday season that she ‘hated the holidays’. After all, this is the woman who taught me the most about Christmas, giving and doing for others. She was the poster child for the good works that my church believed was a large part of being a good Christian.
Well, now I get it. I used to have a Christmas party every year. I basically decorated anything that didn’t move. I wore red as often as I could, even though it is my favorite color and I wear it often through the year. Now that my parents are gone and my nieces are grown and married, things are different. I still decorate many surfaces and ‘give till it hurts’ but it isn’t the same. Decorating my tree is a process that evokes the emotions attached to the ornaments that were gifts and the ones handed down to me.
When my great-niece was born two years ago, it was nice to have a child in the celebrations. We’ve decided to make the gift giving about her. This helps.
The blues still come around but even the ‘ mood snow’ that is falling in Connecticut right now is cheerful. So, this is the bittersweet that my Mom was trying to tell me about.