Happy people often encounter parade-rainers — those people who find happy people annoying. They are everywhere and can make staying happy a challenge for even the happiest person. Unfortunately, they aren’t interested in increasing their happiness by participating in something like Hunt for Happiness Week, and there isn’t a town called Parade-Raining that that they can all move too. Therefore we, the not-so-secretly happy people, are left with no choice but to learn to co-exist with parade-rainers.
Unfortunately, it’s easier to be a parade-rainer than we think. Even mostly happy people can be guilty of it. Shortly after starting the Society, which ironically got it’s national launch from one of Ann Landers parade-raining moments when she told people to not send happy holiday newsletters in their holiday greetings, a neighbor stopped by and enthusiastically announced, “I’m going to audition to be the lead singer in a rock band.”
My first thought was, “Wow, I didn’t even know you liked to sing.” She hadn’t even participated in Karaoke at a party the previous weekend and I’d never heard her mention an interest in singing. My next thought was, “Do you know how hard it is it make it in the music business?” But then I caught myself. She wasn’t asking my opinion. She was sharing a dream. I then let myself get excited for and with her. She did live the dream of being a local singer until her dream changed when she fell in love, got married and had a family.
When someone finds the courage to pursue a dream, no one has a 100% guarantee of success. The only guarantee is giving 100% effort, heart and soul to make the dream a reality. Sometimes the dream happens and everyone thinks you’re a genius. Other times new dreams emerge during our journey and we pursue them instead.
Co-Existing Tip: If someone rains on our parade over a big dream often it’s because they tried and didn’t achieve their dream or they were simply too afraid to even try. They may be trying to protect us from what they perceive as the pain of failure. Or they may be jealous we’re trying to live the dream. It’s best to not try to win over people who don’t believe in our dream. They probably never will even if we achieve it. Their words of doubt will only make the challenging times harder. Instead find a tribe that supports your dream.
Years ago at a conference I walked past a table and overheard a woman complaining about a co-worker because on Mondays he’d happily greet everyone with, “Happy Monday!” I wanted to run over to her and say, “Would you prefer he say Miserable Monday?” After all Monday happens every week so we might as well be happy about them. Would anyone really like the alternative of no Monday? I don’t think that would make any of us happy.
I suspect this woman wasn’t happy about much. She was the type that if she won the lottery, she’d be more unhappy about the taxes she’d have to pay than happy about the money that she’d won.
Happy people are happy about even small things like Monday. People who either aren’t blessed with the happy gene or haven’t developed a happiness recognition habit just don’t understand that.
Co-Existing Tip: A misconception happy people have about this type of parade-rainer is that our happiness will be contagious. It doesn’t work that way because parade-rainers don’t want to catch the happy. When possible limit your contact with this parade-rainer. They may be a family member or co-worker that we have to interact with. If so, keep your expectations low and visualize your magical parade-rainer umbrella protecting you by letting the comments roll by your side.
Shortly after my mom had passed away I remember being in line at the grocery store and thought, “Everyone thinks my life is normal because I appear normal.” My life was anything but normal because I was in the throes of the roller coaster of mourning that we causally label as grief. Although I certainly had some happy moments during that time, I wasn’t happy. I don’t remember raining on anyone’s parade but I might have. That moment taught me a valuable life lesson that I internalized.
Unless you know someone really well, and even then, you might not know what’s going on in their life. Sometimes it’s unfair to judge how someone should act because we only see the surface. They may be dealing with health issues, money woes, unemployment, or family problems. The simple reality is we don’t really know why someone is unhappy unless they tell us.
Co-Existing Tip: When in doubt about why someone is raining on your parade, practice compassion. You can’t go wrong by assuming they are experiencing an unhappy something that you don’t know anything about.
The bottom line is parader-rainers exist. The best we can do is not become one and co-exist with those who are. If you really want to make a statement you might want to wear our Don’t Even Think of Raining on My Parade T-shirt (you can win one below or they are on sale for Hunt for Happiness Week).
Do you have a tip for co-existing with parade-rainers? If you leave a comment you’ll be entered in a drawing for a Don’t Even Think of Raining on My Parade T-shirt on January 27, 2013.
It’s the twelfth annual Hunt for Happiness Week. A new blog will be posted daily this week to help the already happy be a little happier, and support those who are hunting for happiness.
Written by Pamela Gail
Pamela Gail Johnson founded the Society of Happy People in 1998.
The Society is grounded on Pamela’s four key Practical Happiness Principles:
Pamela identified 31 Types of Happiness that are on the SOHP App Happiness Counter to make it easier to recognize moments of happiness.
Pamela also plans and organizes the Society of Happy People's annual happiness celebrations:
She's also a speaker, trainer, and author.
A few of her personal smile starters include her monthly book club, yoga, traveling and meeting new happy people.
When encountering a parade-rainer, I have found if you sit quietly and listen to that person you can help lighten their “rainy load”. During the conversation, try to gently help them see the rainbow. I try to always have a “rainer” leave me with a smile or hopefully a chuckle in their heart making them a happy person, if only for a few moments.
Thanks for sharing…your technique is compassionate. Which makes two people happy. Good luck winning the T-shirt.
My husband of nearly 54 years has the same rain-on-my-parade attitude that his parents had. If I suggest we plan a picnic he immediately warns that we can’t go if it rains. I think that comment is a given and not needed to be said out loud. I have encouraged him to make a positive comment instead, but after all this time, I realize that isn’t going to happen. I do keep trying though. Perhaps one CAN teach an old spouse new tricks after all. I think one of your shirts would help spread the word!
Thanks for sharing Ellen. Keep that magic umbrella with you and good luck winning the T-shirt.
Sometimes there is nothing we can do to help – sometimes we just need to accept that they are in a particular place at a particular time. The only thing we CAN do is to keep being cheery and not let them drag us down. You never know, we might just drag them up to meet us! x
It’s true sometimes people really are happy being unhappy.
I smile and make jokes around whatever negativity is being spewed out. It’s hard to keep up with a bad ‘tude when someone is smiling, laughing and cracking jokes.
True … sometimes our happy at least neutralizes the situation.
I think that Parade-Rainers don’t always realize that what they say is affecting others. I am a Happy-Person but find that it is sometimes difficult to not get sucked in to their way of looking at things. I have to remind myself all the time not to get rained on! I think I will have to start visualizing the protection of the magical parade-rainer umbrella over me.
(I love the site and ideas to cope)
Thanks Miriam … I think part of staying happy is about understanding how to stay happy in a world of unhappy. And knowing it’s OK to be unhappy from time to time if we actually are without raining on others parades.
One of the members of a group I regularly participate in is a total negative Nancy. He’s always the first to assume we’ve lost, or will be unable to meet a given challenge. (Several group members and I have jokingly called him out as an Eeyore.) I try to always buoy the group with my enthusiasm that the challenge is surmountable, and that we can all always try again. Also, I try to shift the conversation from things we cannot change, to things that we can adjust to increase our chances of success. 😀
Lindsay your totally right, sometimes just having with it makes it better. Focusing on the good always helps keep the happy in the air.
When I was a little girl, I read many of the “Winnie the Pooh” stories. There was one character that intrigued me. Eore. He was always seeing the worst in the situation and seemed to “rain on everyone’s parade”. He could clearly be seen as a “parade rainer”. But rather than dislike Eore, I found myself loving him. As I grew up, I encountered many “Eores”, whether it be in my social life or my work environment. At first I tried to distance myself from them but most times that wasn’t possible. I then tried to “change” them… again, most of the time it wasn’t possible. Then one day it occured to me… These people are “Eores”! The same “person” that I adored in so many “Pooh” stories. It was then that I realized that these “Parade Rainers” were wonderful in their own way! They taught me to laugh… to cry… to have compassion… and to LOVE and appreciate them just as they are… in the same way I loved Eore. They shouldn’t be changed… they aren’t “wrong”… they just see life differently. And I love and embrace them so very much for that. They are now some of the best friends in my life and have brought me so much laughter, love and HAPPINESS as an adult… just as Eore had brought me as a child. <3
Those are wise words Katina – such an inspiring story. And yes, when we can accept and love others for who they are, everyone is happier.
sorry Lindsay, I just saw your “Eore” reference. I was typing my Post and didn’t see yours, honestly. Crazy that we used the same fictional character to describe “parade rainers” but completely coincidental… 🙂
My response to someone being so negative about my dreams is to say “Well I believe I can do it and that is all that really matters!” If I hear someone else doing it to another person I will say to them “How do you know that he/she can’t do it? They have the right to try anything they want to” I think just drawing their attention to it will usually make them stop. I do also believe though that sometimes they think they are protecting the person from a let down or pain.
Cheryl great words of wisdom. Not raining on your own parade is definitely the most important part of achieving your dreams.
I think if some folks knew how off-putting their parade raining was, they may think twice about saying anything. It really does make people start to drift away from them, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Parade-rainers often aren’t even aware of how they think different than everyone else. And sometimes it happens inadvertently like when I was about to do it. I just happen to by hyper aware.
I give them a big hug! If it is a bad mood, they laugh and feel better. If there is something wrong, this is where they tell me what it is. If they are a perpetual parade-rainer though, I just ignore them. It is no fun to rain on someone’s parade if the parade just keeps right on going!!
Love your responses that are filled with compassion and reality.
Unfortunately Parade rainers are a part of life, and as Pam correctly said we can all be one from time to time. I lost my husband in October of 2003. Our Children were then 6 and 11. I knew I had to remain as positive as I could for their good while still sharing in the immense sadness we were feeling. That summer I had the children at a pool at the request of a friend who’s husband was also a good friend of my late husband. We had not spent any time together since the funeral. We were enjoying the beautiful weather while our children enjoyed the pool. Her husband came up to me and said he didn’t understand how I could be happy, if his wife had died he would have killed himself. My friend immediately jumped to my aid and said he would not he had their son to take care of. The pain his comment inflicted was like being cut by a knife, but I was happy for her understanding and coming to my aid. It took me quite a while to realize that although I still feel the pain of the loss I deserve to be happy.
Thanks for sharing. Compassion is always a wise choice when in doubt. And yes, we can feel pain and still have happiness. That’s life.
My parade is “un-rainable”. I create my own sunshine, wherever I go. Those who choose to live in rain are free to do so, if they like.
Your “un-rainable” parade is inspirational!
I try to smile at just about every one I encounter. Most people acknowledge this with a nod; some smile back; some ignore me; others make it known that they do not appreciate my gesture. I don’t try to change anyone else’s mood unless I know them very well. I reach out without strings attached. Smiling helps me feel better and I only hope that it does the same for the recipients of my smiles. If it does not, that is okay, too.
There is power in the smile. Keep smiling 🙂
In my experience, being the optimistic person in my family or group of friends has generally led to me being known as “the one who can tackle any problem.” Having a good, happy attitude really does make a difference when things go wrong, and they always do, such is life! This has helped me to stay positive even on days when I would rather be a gloomy gus, as I feel like others are depending on me to lift them up as well. This works especially well if you are the parent of children that tend towards negativity. I have personally found that parade-rainers CAN change the way they think and change their lives. Therefore, I go around with a smile on my face, hoping that I’m helping someone whether I ever know it or not.
Optimistic and pessimistic people both experience about the same amount of unhappiness and like you pointed out it’s all about how we handle the chaos that determines our happiness.
I always tell a rainer upon parades: What if the rhinoceros is really just a big, fat unicorn?? So far, that has always stopped them and most of the time gotten a smirk.
Awesome … that’s know as a pattern interrupt and it’s a wonderful tool for many situations including parade-raining.
My mother loves to tell me all of her complaints about her life when I see her. I do listen and try to be helpful and compassionate. However, when she begins to tell me about a complaint that I’ve heard about numerous times before (and this is often the case), I try to change the subject to something more positive. “Did you have a good lunch today?” or “Wasn’t that letter from Cindy a nice surprise?” or “Aren’t you happy to see some sunshine today after all the cloudy days.” She usually gets the message. 🙂
When you ask positive questions know it or not you’re actually getting her to think about life a little different. Nice too.
Great advice on how to understand parade-rainers and empathize with them without judging, yet avoid their negativity!
Thanks Beth for the nice feedback.
I always tell everyone it’s Friday eve on Thursday!
Love the fun … what do you do on Monday?
Some people are actually happy BEING parade-rainers. I don’t really get that, but our purpose is to foster happiness, right? So, I figure I’ll just put up my umbrella and be happy my way while letting them be happy their way. The only problem, for them, is they are really happiest if they can find a leak in my umbrella. Then I smile even more, dance in their rainstorm, and find happiness anyway.
It’s true some people are happy being unhappy which is just sad. Keep that magical umbrella because it’ll keep you mostly happy.
I have a sure fire way of dealing with parade-rainers. Always carry a sunny unmbrella to save you from their rain…and if that doesn’t work stick the umbrella where the sun doesn’t shine. Either way, you will feel better – teehee!!!
Maureen sounds like you have a great attitude and technique of how to deal with parade-rainers. Keep up the happy.
The “rainers on my parade” usually need a person to hear their story, so first I like to put my hand on their shoulder, or hold their hand, actually make human contact in some way, then I listen a bit and usually say something to the effect that they are really carrying a load at this time, but that life is everchanging and be assured that a week or month from now one will probably be dealing with another concern, so be optimistic that life is ever-changing.
You compassionate response to parade-rainers is beautiful.
Nothing stays the same in life, so always know it will change in some way.
Change is one of life’s guarantees and the wise accept and even enjoy this. 🙂
Love this!!!!!!!!! the world needs more people like this 🙂
Thanks and glad you’re part of the Secret Society of Happy People.
When I encounter a Parade-Rainer, I give them compassion if their concern is valid. Life does have ups and downs and being heard is the greatest gift we can give someone who is hurting. If they are just being negative, I ask them why they think what their saying is true. I’m old enough to know that you can’t change another person. You can only reflect back to them how they sound. It’s their choice to change. My next step is to check in with myself to ensure I don’t absorb their negativity. I hold my positive thoughts as the truth for me in my life, and hope it inspires them to move their attitude in a more positive direction.
I love being part of this positivity group!
Thanks Elizabeth for the comment. I also try to be compassionate but it can try the patience of even the happiest person. Glad you’re part of our group too.