“What is love?” was the response to a question I posed to a guest around 1:30 am at my Chinese New Year Party.
It was a late-night, several glasses-of-wine question, and possibly fell into the category of none-of-my-business. I have a need to understand why people do what they do and think how they think, so I ask lots of questions. Of course, since we often can’t answer those kinds of questions even for ourselves, we certainly can’t answer them for others.
However, this question, “What is love?” has kept my wheels spinning since the party. The truth is that I can’t answer it to my own satisfaction because love is as complicated as it is vast and as simple as it sounds.
We seek love because loving and being loved makes the happy happier. Little things don’t bother us. We feel we can move mountains. The colors of the world seem brighter.
Yet, we fear love because it makes us vulnerable. Another person’s happiness, hopes and dreams become part of ours. Their consideration—or lack of consideration—for our feelings, hopes and dreams can be the wings that help us fly or the sword that causes emotional angst that can leave lifetime scars.
The types of love are almost impossible to count.
The way we love romantic partners, children, parents, siblings, friends and pets is different yet, the basic emotion of feeling connected to another is similar. We can also love songs, movies and books because they move us emotionally. We can love goals because they inspire us to become better souls. We can love things, not so much because of each thing, but because of the experience and feelings we associate with them.
Love is so vast that it can literally consume us and everything. Some spiritual masters would claim that our only goal in life is to love.
Yet, can we really love everything and have any boundaries of self-protection? The paradox is: if we did love everything, would we need boundaries?
The truth is that boundaries don’t define love.
Ironically, sometimes the most loving thing we can do for someone is to let them live the consequences of their own actions. Sometimes love doesn’t require a hug, but instead requires a push. Neither the pusher nor the one being pushed may feel the love at that moment in time.
Love is a paradox because it can make us feel happier and more connected to the universe than anything else, but can be, literally in the next breath, the catalyst that pushes us into a hole of depth and despair that’s almost indescribable.
For me, most moments I’d answer the question “What is love?” with a simple thought that I aspire to achieve daily: Love is the heartbeat of life.
What is love to you? Leave your comments below! I can’t wait to read them! They just mean the world to me!
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For a lighter look at love check out last year’s Valentine’s Day Blog: Thirty-One Shades of Love
Written by Pamela Gail
Pamela Gail Johnson founded the Society of Happy People in 1998.
The Society is grounded on Pamela’s four key Practical Happiness Principles:
Pamela identified 31 Types of Happiness that are on the SOHP App Happiness Counter to make it easier to recognize moments of happiness.
Pamela also plans and organizes the Society of Happy People's annual happiness celebrations:
She's also a speaker, trainer, and author.
A few of her personal smile starters include her monthly book club, yoga, traveling and meeting new happy people.
Pamela, love is hard to define because it is a process rather than a thing. It is something you do.
The feeling of love is a specific feeling you get when something happens. That specific feeling varies between people and situations. For example, you may get different “love” feelings with your pet, a favourite food, your spouse, your children, and so forth.
To answer “What is love?” you may find it more useful to ask, “What must someone do in order to make you feel loved?” You may be surprised at the wide ranges of responses.
I “love” you answer about love being the heart beat of life! I can’t think of any better answer than that. But I have another similar question that I have been trying to figure out for myself as I approach my daily tasks…What makes something feel like it is fun, as opposed to just being a chore that we have to do? When tings feel fun, they are more enjoyable.
Love is the emotion which turns a person into a person of courage, kindness, and faith in the future. It creates within a desire to be better in every way, while at the same time brings an honest acceptance of our limits and strengths along with a deep peace that all is right with the universe.
When we love, we are more likely to take a stand against cruelty and injustice and all things evil. We have a better understanding of charity and kindness.
Love inspires us to be braver, kinder, more accepting of everyone and everything. It can come on us like a sudden shower, or we can choose to grow it regardless of sun or shower.
I love what you wrote! You did a wonderful job, even better than usual!
Love is connection. I am connected to people and things that I love. Love is expansive and inclusive regardless of whether it appears to stem from a specific person or place because it’s presence colors everything and everyone else.
Thus, to experience lack of love is the opposite. Without the feeling of love, or least a milder form of it, such as acceptance, I feel constricted, isolated and cut off from people and good feelings.
I could go on and on, and most likely, my mind will be on the subject of love for awhile. Love is a great subject to ponder!
Please allow me this opportunity to thank you, Pamela, for all your loving work! You make a positive difference in my life!
It’s been six years since this was written and any further comments. Why?
Anyway I’m glad I found it. It adds perspective to help my thoughts. I need a lot of help.
As the last comment indicates: Lack of love is the opposite of feeling connected. What if you can not perceive feeling connected? Then, do you not feel the Love others may be expressing? You will not respond to being loved? But you do feel love within you for others.
I ask this as a person with Autism Spectrum Disorder.